Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
