she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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