according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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