she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
