did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
