So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
