UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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