Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
