Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
