I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
