What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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