I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize