happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize