So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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