Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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