Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
