The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
