im gay
i know
yea but for you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
