Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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