there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
