I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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