Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
