I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
