new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
