For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
