after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
