At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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