i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize