dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
handjob tips. give me some.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
