The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
