he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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