I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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