I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
