Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
