I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
