Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
