I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
