i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
