What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
