I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
third nipple confirmed
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
