We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
