from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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