Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
