She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
