highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
