Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
