what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
