i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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