please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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