You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
