i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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