tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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