I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
