k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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