i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
