Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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