3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize