Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
