Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize