He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
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So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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