Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
