dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
