does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
