Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I pour the whiskey from now on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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