just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All I want is dick and wine.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
