As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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