At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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