I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
