why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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