I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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