so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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