She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize