i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize