i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
